body beautiful

i decided a little while ago that if i'm ever going to be one of those people who is 100% satisfied with her body, there's no better time than the present in which to start. i'm getting the hair together, my skin should be finished turning around in another 2 or 3 weeks, and my summer mission to have people asking "what's that smell" (in a good way, LOL) is on a roll - bath and body works' pearberry and victoria's secret's a slice of heaven are to DIE for. damn sales. anyway, there are a few flaws i'm not too worried about - i can't really do anything about my effed up eyesight, my stretch marks are fading over time and i'm lucky enough to have a guy who likes them, and i'm not overweight (or underweight for that matter). the problem is...i'm out of shape like hell. when i was younger my mom always thought the fact that i have sickle cell would keep me from playing sports and partaking in any kind of strenuous activity, but i proved her wrong when i cheered and did gymnastics in high school. i was in the best shape ever during cheerleading, but i kinda took it for granted most of the time. now that i am in college i feel so blah. i think i have gotten bigger from being on depo-provera, but the weird thing is my weight has only fluctuated about 5 lbs between now and my senior year of high school. i can look and see it though; my butt and thighs are a bit bigger, but i (we? ha) don't mind that nearrrrrly as much as my belly! i am 5'5" 123 with a GUT! it's soooo disgusting! not to gross you out, but i can literally grab my belly. this is the part where everyone goes "wtf are you talking about" but i know it's bad when my bf comes home from school, wraps his arms around my waist, and says "baby, what's going on here?" believe me, if i could suck the fat from my tummy and put it in my ass i would, but that costs too much and i've got things to save for, like a new car and other material things that i probably don't need but buy to make myself feel better. i'm trying to do something about it - i bought this really great baby phat monokini (shoot me) and i want to lose the belly before it makes its debut.

here comes the problem...i have no idea where to start. i thought back to my cheerleading days and i realized that most of what we did was cardio, but i haaaaate running and i don't have access to a track right now anyway. (you are out of your skull if you thought i was gonna run outside when it is 95 degrees every day.) i am working on the things i can change - my diet and indoor activities.

dietwise, it's simple; i stopped eating fast food and drinking soda as a new year's resolution and i've only cheated maybe 4 times since then, and i recently adopted a nalgene to make damn sure i'm getting my 64 oz of water a day. along with that, i have begun eating even healthier, virtually eliminating all the prepackaged foods that have been a staple of my college lifestyle. i also bought a bunch of fruits and veggies, like broccoli, carrots, celery, salad mix, peaches, strawberries, bananas, and apples. i snack a lot so i'm trying to snack healthier - oatmeal or a slice of cinnamon raisin bread in the morning, the veggies and a little ranch dip for something to munch on in front of the TV, a slice of cheese melted on some nature's own 12-grain bread if i need something cheesy (this stuff is good but usually costs like 3 bucks...can you believe i found some at dollar tree?!), pretzels or popcorn (just not the whole bag anymore) for salty cravings, and jello with whipped cream for my sweet tooth. it's working really well as of now, and there is enough variety there where i can go for a while without repeating anything. i HATE eating the same things over and over again!

i haven't done too much about my activity level, since what i really want to do is hit the gym and get on the elliptical or treadmill for 45 minutes. i have those available at school, but home is a different story. therefore, i will be doing yoga till august. perhaps by now you have realized i am way too cheap to be paying for yoga, but i came across this great channel that apparently we have had all along called FitTV, and they have yoga for free. (there really is something on TV for everyone.) namaste yoga is a half-hour long show that i have been working out along with for a few days now and i really like it. i am slowly regaining my flexibility, which i discovered i lost when my thighs started burning, and it's a great relaxation technique, which helps when i am super stressed. sure, some of the poses are hard (that crane is a bitch and a half), but i am a beginner in every sense of the word and i expect that they will get easier, just like doing all that running did back in high school. it's a low-impact way to get back in shape, and i'm so happy i discovered this cheap but effective way to get my body back.

hopefully i will be able to say in a few weeks that i see some semblance of a six-pack (three-pack?) coming back. if not, at least i will feel healthier. that's a start, right?